That Time of Year Again

It's Christmas time again. For me, Christmas tends to be bitter sweet. I love the decorations, the cheer in the air, the cookies, the snow, all of it. But, Christmas brings with it a host of other emotions, sadness, worry, grief, anger. You see, Christmas for me has almost always looked different. My Christmas story is unlike ones you'll typically read, but the ending is really what matters.

I grew up in what looked like a typical home. I had a mom and a dad and a sister. When I was little Christmas was always this great day, full of happiness and presents. I remember the Christmas before my sister was born, I had so many presents I got sick of opening them all! Sometimes we'd visit family in Colorado, sometimes we'd stay home, but I always have fond memories of those times.

After my parents divorced, things started to change. My mom started to sleep more and more, and her moods were hardly predictable. She couldn't hold down a job, and before we knew it she'd start sayings things like "the voices are telling me to kill myself." It wasn't long before I became the parent. And, really it might have not been so bad had my dad been around more and present. You see, about this same time he was in and out of jail on drug charges and struggling himself.

From 6th grade on Christmas was far from the picture I always loved to remember. We'd get presents from the church, but my mom wouldn't ever get me gifts. Kimi always got them, but I was always "too hard to shop for" or I "wouldn't like anything I got and it'd be pointless anyways." After awhile the church ones didn't matter either, because my mom would put what she wanted instead of things I did. Christmas morning would come, I'd open a few gifts and she'd go, "oh that's for me."

The day had a typical patter too, we wake up, I'd open a gift or two and watch everyone else open theirs. I'd then go to my room cry, my dad would come in, apologize for not being able to do more and hand me $20. The rest of the day I'd just sit in my room.

My last Christmas at home was my senior year of high school. Once again it was another gift less year. Once again I'd go to my room to cry and my dad would come in with $20 and then after I went to a friend's house to spend the remainder of my day. When I came home that night my mom and I began to fight over the events of the day. I was once again "too hard to shop for." But it didn't end there. My attitude was out of control, I was sucking my mother dry and ruining her life, at least that's what she told me. "Out, I want you out of this house!" And just like that, I was kicked out. It didn't matter that I was paying a large chunk of her bills, that I was only a senior in high school planning on college. Just like that, I was on my own.

I stayed the night at my friend's house and the next morning her mom told me I wasn't going home and to plan on staying there. I stayed with them until they moved in May and then moved into another families house. I'd like to say that my Christmas's were happily ever after from there, but there's still more to the story.

I went off to college, and when I came home for break I learned that things had not been easy with me coming and going from where I was living. While it was under no fault of mine, it just wasn't working for the family, I needed to find somewhere new to live after break. A year after I had been kicked out, I was once again facing the dilemma of where to live. Christmas came and went, but when I got back to school I was suddenly hit with a realization. I had no home to come back to.

That semester was the hardest semester of my life. I was suddenly having to deal with feelings and emotions I had managed to bottle for over a year. That semester I struggled through depression more fiercely than I ever had. Getting out of bed was a struggle, going to class was a struggle. Doing anything was a struggle, because over and over all I could think about was the grief I was swallowed in. But, I made it.

Looking back at that semester, at Christmas's past all I can see is one clear theme, that I wouldn't have made it through had Christ not carried me.

I tell you this story, not so that you feel sorry for me, but that you can clearly see what Christ has done in my life. While those are struggles I would not wish on anyone, through them, I was able to learn a side of God I never would have known. There's a difference in knowing God is and knowing God as. I knew God is a provider, but now I know God as provider. I knew God is my strength, but now I know God as my strength. I knew God is my father, but I now know him as my father.

It's not always easy, I see girls shopping at the malls with their moms and I wish I had that. I wish I could depend on my parents and go to them for advice. I yearn for those relationships, and while I don't have those. I'm also blessed by what God has given me instead. He didn't leave my out to dry with nothing. He provided me wonderful families who love me, who let me stay with them, who let me be part of their families. I don't have just one family, I have many. God has blessed me far more than I could ever imagine!

I know God is real without a shadow of a doubt, because of how he's worked in my life. How he's worked in the lives of those around me, how he's provided me with more than I could ever imagine. I'm not bitter, I'm not resentful, and while I don't know the whole picture, I know that I had to go through this for whatever that God wants to accomplish in my life later. You see, he has a plan, he has a plan for all of us. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future!" Jeremiah 29:11.

Whatever trial you may be facing this holiday season, never lose hope, because while in the midst of it, it seems endless and painful, in the big picture, God is weaving a beautiful story.

Complacent Politics

When did we become so complacent in politics? When did it become ok for someone to breach our security and leak our classified information?

In class today I learned about the Wikileaks that took place. Basically what happened is a man from Australia was able to hack into our security, take our classified information and then put it all over the Internet. Our response? Well we finally admitted it was an attack...that's about it.

Is anyone bothered by this?

Someone was able to breach our security and take classified files! Yet, we're just sitting back, doing practically nothing. This whole thing is an excellent testimony to what the Obama administration is doing. And really, America in general.

I think we as Americans have grown complacent. We sit back in our comfortable lives and let our leaders do the work, and for the most part, we don't even vote. Then, we get mad when things don't go our way. I'm sick of people not caring what's happening in our country today. I'm sick of uneducated voters. As Americans I believe it's our responsibility to be educated and to be involved in politics. Men and women everyday lay down their lives so we can vote, so we can have a free country and do we care? No.

Republican, democrat, I don't care. Just do something! We need to stop sitting around and watching our country go down in flames. Get involved, write congress, get EDUCATED!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6yLQRF-cEU